Now and Forever
by Kakyou Takashiro
Summary: What would you do to be close to the one you love? What if it costed you that love you shared? Wataru left Karen for over two years, after finding him... Karen finally confronts her love for him.
1. My Rain of Tears

Now and Forever  
  
Author's Note: This is a Sister Princess fanfic... ^^ my first Sister Princess fanfic and for those who know me, my writing tends to have a lot of angst in it ^^. The pairing is Wataru and Karen ^^.   
  
Prologue  
  
My fragile fingers press against you rosy cheeks. The wind blows and my braided hair swings in its direction. I try to smile, but I find that you don't seem to care. You pull away. I was hurt, but I intended not to show you. I didn't want to think that I had fallen for you. But how could I not. How could I not tell you that I was not your sister, but rather a girl who had fallen desperately in love with you? How could I tell you that I claimed to be your sister only to become closer to you, and that if you rejected me I would be forever close to you. I couldn't say anything of such. I find that every day as the wind blows, as I try to touch you in my dreams, you pull further and further away from me. I find I couldn't live a lie anymore. I find that I can no longer live without seeing you. As you have moved away, every parting moment with you is a thousand stabs to my heart.   
  
Chapter 1 My Rain of Tears  
  
The gentle songs of the birds sang nearby. The ocean wave beautiful and gracefully dancing along my view. The world spun around me. The wind blew. The sun radiance bounced off of Karen's face. There was depressing stare at the ground. The beauty of the morning sun and the wondrous view didn't effect her. She thought of her brother and how much she long to see him again. Her chest seemed heavy. She held two hands in support. She looked out to the sea hoping to find the image of her love. It didn't come.   
  
"Tomorrow, I leave..." Karen said to the sea, "I don't know how long it will take to find you, but... I will no matter what..." She could to inland stretching her vast horizon. The beach breeze was wondrous, but with an ominous haze.  
  
The rain trickled down the side of her face. Her legs tire of walking. There wasn't even a clue of her brother, yet she looked tirelessly around. The city wasn't all that big... or at least she thought. The rain made the streets of Tokyo give a odor she had never really smelled before. The wind blew as the train stop in front of her. She could here the rain drops hit the floor of the building. The steel plates only made the sound worse. Karen didn't know what felt worse, the pain in her legs or the riveting breeze that brought her chills. She wore very little and didn't expect the beginning of winter in Tokyo to be this cold. Any colder... she thought... and it will be snowing. Karen shivered and quickly walked into the train. There she found warmth.   
  
  
A little boy looked up and saw a beauty. Her silver-gray hair. Her delicate face. Her slender legs lavishly out of a short skirt. She was wet, but her beauty made his surroundings light up.   
  
"Ane-chan..." The child called. Karen smiled sitting there at the little boy.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"Ane-chan? Are you an angel?" Karen almost blushed at the thought but she was still shivering from the bitter freeze.  
  
"No," Karen smiled back.  
  
"You look like an angel to me." The little boy said with a childish innocence.  
  
"Thank you," Karen smiled sweetly back.  
  
"Why is ane-chan all wet?"  
  
"She was looking for someone," Karen spoke in a motherly manner. "What is little ototo doing all by himself?"  
  
"Hehe. I'm going to meet some friends, my mother said I could all by myself!" The little boy seemed proud of this. "Who was ane-chan looking for?"  
  
"Her onii-san," Karen took a moment to realize that she had gotten used to calling Wataru onii-san.   
  
"I'm would be happy to have a sister like you," There was a bright smile on the boy's face.  
  
"Thank you." Karen smiled sweetly, hoping the Wataru thought the same.  
  
Wataru's front door was left open. He and his girlfriend had just came back from the groceries. They were getting ready to make dinner. Yumiko was about to teach him how to make her famous soup dish. The weather outside was cold. The rain was pouring, yet the couple blossomed in bliss. Wataru smiled sweetly at Yumiko. It was apparent that they had enjoyed each other's company and forgot the close the door.   
  
Karen stepped up to the door. She looked at the wet paper in her hands. Her hair was drenched with the rain. The droplets of water were dripping down her cheeks and her short skirt seemed like it just came out of the washing machine. This was the last address with Wataru's name on it. She had ran all around Tokyo today and was excessively hungry. Her legs were sore, she had a slight headache, and she didn't notice how cold and numb she was until she left for the last train for Shinjuku. The house itself was pretty impressive, especially for a student attending Tokyo University. But it seemed as though Wataru's parents weren't all that bad; probably sorry for sending him to an island to study high school.   
  
Karen remembered the first time she laid on him. Although her sisters and her had planned a meeting with him, Karen had fallen for him. She remembered wiping his wet face with her handkerchief. She hoped he still kept it. Her brittle hands were numb as they touched the door to slid a bit more.  
  
"Hello?" She said softly. She was beginning to lose her voice and catching a cold.  
  
I hope this is the house... Karen thought to herself. She didn't know what she would do if it weren't. There was a slight jab of pain in her chest as she thought of never seeing Wataru again. It wasn't that she merely they were supposedly brothers and sisters, but within the past 2 years, Karen had written dozens of e-mails and letter with no reply. She was worried about Wataru, and wondered if he still remembered that her little sister still existed.   
  
"Hello? Is anyone home?" Karen asked again, her voice is still soft.  
  
Karen heard voices in the background. One sounded familiar... Karen quickly ran to the voice. She missed Wataru so much; the voice was so close.  
  
"So, honey... what are we going to do after dinner?" Yumiko said with a tease. Wataru blushed but remained with his composure.   
  
"Supposing I don't cut my fingers off doing the vegetables, I rented a movie for us," Wataru smiled sweetly back at his girlfriend. He looked upon her beautiful blue eyes. The warm red sweater that she had just changed into. Her short jeans were almost invisible being that they were covered by the sweater. Her graceful hair now dry curled around her perfect face. Her eyes gazed into his eyes. Yumiko smiled at his little joke and kissed him passionately. But then her eyes were drawn to figure at the hallway looking at them.   
  
Wataru was surprised to see that Yumiko pulled away so quickly. He wanted their lips to have been longer together. But then he saw that she was looking at something behind him. He turned around curious. It was Karen! Wataru nearly jumped up and screamed. He didn't expect his little sister to be anywhere near him. But then he saw the horrific expression on Karen's face. It looked as if someone had just clenched a piece of her heart right out. The young girl was soaked, drenched in water. Poor thing... Wataru thought... she seems so trouble.   
  
"Karen! Oh my goodness! When did you come to Tokyo?" Wataru called out and rushed over to the girl.  
  
"You know her?" Yumiko asked.  
  
"Yes, she's my sister!" Yumiko smiled sweetly and went over to her. Karen grasped her chest in pain of what she just saw. Her brother with another woman... kissing. She didn't know what to feel. There was a sudden emptiness inside of her. Karen saw Wataru approaching her. She didn't know what to do. The tears from her eyes could no longer be contained. Karen didn't want Wataru to see her crying. Without thinking. Karen ran away. Wataru stopped in his steps and looked at the scene of the girl running away with confusion and a slight hint of guilt. Why would Karen be jealous though... Wataru thought.   
  
What hurt so much was the image of Wataru kissing. Karen felt as though she had lost all hope. She couldn't really blame anyone but herself though. Wataru still only knew her as his sister. He has been away for over two years and could have seen a bunch of people. Karen ran her way down the street. Her hands numb but clutched to her chest, her hair ran back, her face contorted with pain and the meteors of the shower. She couldn't feel anything for a while. Karen collapsed to the floor. Her legs were too tired to carry her; her chest was too heavy with pain. She fainted. 


	2. The Feel of Your Warm Hands

Chapter 2 The Feel of Your Warm Hands  
  
My body was warm. I couldn't feel the raindrops hitting against my back anymore. It didn't much matter though, all I knew I felt was something soft all around me. For a second I could remember anything. The soft droplets on the window. The warm bed. My wet clothes. My messy hair... then the image of Wataru and the other girl hit me... at first it wasn't much, I easily replaced the image with me as in too many of my dreams. But then the pain hit me. Like a thousands knifes the image stabbed into my chest. I felt an empty feeling in my heart. There was something bidding at me. The pain was almost unbearable again until I heard Wataru's voice in the background. Just the voice took a little pain away.   
  
I saw his cherry face for the first time in a long time. It was almost painful to know that I had betrayed someone so close to me. I couldn't help but feel even more sorry for Wataru when I told him about who I really was. But I couldn't now... not with image of Yumiko in my head. I hid my head beneath the sheets and cried bitterly to myself. I hoped he couldn't hear me, but it was obvious. I was in Wataru's bed after fainting on the streets of Shinjuku, there had to be something.  
  
  
  
"Karen, you're awake!" Wataru rushed over. He seemed changed when I saw his face clearly after he pulled away my sheets.  
  
  
  
"Hello, onii-san," I choked with guilt and jealousy.  
  
  
  
"Are you okay?" I gave him a innocent look, but I burned inside.  
  
  
  
"You just ran out..."  
  
  
  
"I'm okay, I was just too happy, that I actually found you and I didn't want you to see me all wet..." I lied. Wataru hugged me dearly.  
  
  
  
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming to town?"  
  
  
  
"..." I didn't know how to reply.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry if I haven't been returning your mail," Wataru smiled. "But school keeps me busy, and there is Yumiko." My heart stopped when he said her name. "But you could've called."  
  
  
  
"I thought, onii-san had forgot all about me." I said with pain in my voice. He looked at me with teary eyes.  
  
  
  
"Karen, how can I forget about you?" He hugged me again. His embrace was so bitter sweet. I felt as though it was something that I was forbidden to feel, that was to feel good. I thought I wasn't supposed to love him like that. Like Yumiko. In his eyes, I was sister, and Yumiko was his girlfriend. I felt as the only reason that I had lived had been shattered. Those endless night I spent waiting for his letters, those mornings where I was reach out to the ocean hoping to find his face... all shatter when I finally came. I wanted to turn back time, but knowing that I couldn't I felt as there was no point in living anymore. I felt my tears slowly crawl down my cheeks. Wataru had felt it too.  
  
  
  
"You're crying, Karen what's wrong?" He gave me a concerned look as he broke his embrace.  
  
  
  
"Nothing, I'm just so happy to see my onii-san." I lied.   
  
  
  
"I'm glad to see you to."  
  
  
  
I tried to give smile, but found it hard with the heavy depression on my face.   
  
  
  
"Karen, you're more than happy to stay here if you want."  
  
  
  
"My belongings are at the hotel."  
  
  
  
"Nonsense. You should stay here. There is no reason for my little sister to have to live in a hotel." I tried to hide the terrible subject that Wataru had just suggested. I was trapped, nothing to do but agree. At least, I thought, it would make him happy to see me everyday.   
  
  
  
"Are you going to be here for the remainder of Spring Break?"  
  
  
  
"I suppose." I lied again. I didn't have much else to say but to be polite. I didn't want to see that wonderful smile on Wataru's face disappeared. He had listened to me and he didn't seem to wear his glasses any longer. The way he sat next to me on his bed, made the scene ever so romantic, but of course, all I could stare at was his beauty. Plain as that, nothing more, I suppressed all other feelings knowing that it would end whatever relationship I had with my 'brother' thus far.   
  
  
  
"Great I'll pick up the stuff at the hotel then... you rest."  
  
  
  
"It's the Shinjuku Prince Hotel..."  
  
  
  
"I see."  
  
  
  
"Room 402..."  
  
  
  
Wataru nodded.  
  
  
  
"Here is the key," I dug in my pocket.  
  
  
  
"I'll check out too then."  
  
  
  
I nodded.  
  
  
  
"Karen?"  
  
  
  
"Yes..."  
  
  
  
"Rest up, you look tired..." Wataru was still worried about finding me fainted on the floor no doubt. He had been nice enough not to persist in asking about it. I knew that if Wataru really wanted to know, I had no choice but to tell him the truth. I could hardly hide it from him with him not being there. Now that I was to be spending two weeks under the same roof, I hope that I didn't have to ever.   
  
  
  
  
  
The moist damp air of the shower comforted me. I could feel my tears drip down to my shoulders. I caressed myself along with the water. I could feel the light taps of the water hitting my face. The pain at times was almost unbearable. To think, that I had cheated someone that I cared for so much. My chest felt heavy and my legs pulled me down, but I wasn't about to collapse in Wataru's shower. I thought of the image of him walking in to find his 'sister' fainted again. It would hurt him so much. Much more though, he would be curious and ask... and I wouldn't be able to anything but tell the truth. A sharp stab hit me when I thought of his reactions. My long hair left droplets of water to hit the bath tub. I swallowed my pain down as much as I could. I had to bear my anguish... for Wataru. I had to occupy myself.   
  
  
  
I decided to cook after the shower. I looked around the kitchen and found myself easily lost in the ordeal of making food. I was almost ashamed that the pain had passed by. But the whenever I found a nostalgic moment in this empty house... his pictures of my 'sisters' his pictures of me... his pictures of Yumiko. There were stabs to my heart. The acute sense that something was missing. I nearly cut myself when drowning in my woe. I didn't know what I would do when I saw him again.   
  
  
  
As the stove began to heat. Wataru came back with my belongings.  
  
  
  
"Wow! It smells great!" He said in the doorway. It was still raining.   
  
  
  
"Wakarenaisei, onii-sama!" I called back with a little hint of forced happiness in my voice.  
  
  
  
He walked in seemingly drenched from the rain holding my belongings in a duffle bag which seemed to be perfectly dry. He looked surprised to see me in my pajamas and my wet hair.  
  
  
  
"Arigato... onii-san!" I thanked him.   
  
  
  
"Non-sense."  
  
  
  
"Please, dry off and take a shower before you catch a cold!" I pleaded. Wataru gave me a funny look then I realized the irony in what I had just said. I gave a pleasant smile. Wataru seemed to think that I was back to normal... or his little sister again.   
  
  
  
"Hurry, after you're done, the food should be ready..." I forced a smile again.  
  
  
  
Wataru walked off to his shower as I tended to the food again.   
  
  
  
When he came back in casual clothing I had already set up the table. It occurred to me that it was already nightfall again. That meant I had been I Tokyo for 2 days now, and every second from now was precious no matter how uncomfortable. I hadn't seen Wataru in such a long time a part of me... longed for his touch. I wish his hand was just stroke my cheeks as he did with Yumiko. Another part of my wanted to commit suicide for ever betraying his trust. I didn't even want to think of the pain I might cause him when he found out. I had to hide it...  
  
  
  
We sat down to eat and he complemented on the food. I thanked him.  
  
  
  
"So, myoto, what do you want to do tomorrow?"  
  
  
  
"Anything onii-san feels that we should," I said hoping it wasn't something romantic.  
  
  
  
"Lets go to Cherry Festival... supposing this rain stops." Darn it.  
  
  
  
"Of course!" I forced a smile.   
  
  
  
I stared at my portion and my smile disappeared. There was a long uncomfortable silence. It was just the two of us sitting there... Wataru eating, myself... trying to control my tears and dreading tomorrow. Wataru seemed to slowly notice my misery. He stopped and stared concerned.  
  
  
  
"Okay, Karen-chan... I know something is wrong, this is wonderful food, it's the first time we've seen each other in two years and you are completely silent wearing that dismal expression on your face."  
  
  
  
"I'm fine... I just wanted onii-san to enjoy the food first." Wataru was not satisfied the answer. I looked back down blushing and ashamed. I choked. I didn't know what to say.   
  
  
  
"I..."  
  
  
  
My chest became heavy, I felt like something had grasped around my heart and squeezed it. The room was hot and spinning around me.  
  
  
  
"I..."  
  
  
  
I couldn't say it, I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. But then there was the fact of the lying to him. I knew that sooner or later it would come out. I know that sooner or later I couldn't hold it in.  
  
  
  
"I..."  
  
  
  
He looked at me concerned. I felt the blood rush away from my face.   
  
  
  
"I... Love... You..." I whispered choking on my tears finally crying at the sight of his face and the image of his gentle warm hands stroking my cheeks.   
  
Author's Note: Oh man! I'm horrible at these things...  
  
Anyways thanks to my friend Jess for all the help with the brainstorming...  
  
And of course to that special person who inspired me! ^^ 


	3. Bittersweet Agony

Chapter 3 Bittersweet Agony  
  
Author's Note: Just for your concern, I'm switching between first person and omniscient point of views between chapters. ^^ Enjoy, and the thanks a bundle for the reviews!  
  
  
  
  
  
There was an insecure silence. The silence seemed to graft on the walls closing upon Karen. There was light sound of the metal utensils hitting the ceramic plate. She couldn't bare to look at Wataru. With the sound of him dropping his spoon and fork, it was likely he understood the severity fo the problem.   
  
  
  
"You what?" Wataru thought he miss heard.  
  
  
  
Karen choked down her tears. Her eyes stained red, but she held the tears. The effect was a extremely exhausted voice and a sorely chest.  
  
  
  
"Please..." Karen's voice soft and abrupt.  
  
  
  
There was silence.  
  
  
  
"Please... don't ... make... me... say... it again..." Karen couldn't contain her tears much longer. Wataru saw the small silvery droplets trickle down her face. Karen looked at the floor with agony and pain.  
  
  
  
"Karen... its wrong..."  
  
  
  
"I'm not sister!" Karen finally looked up and said hastily. There was such sorrow written over her face it looked as someone had took her heart and tossed it aside regardless or the torment she had endured.  
  
  
  
"What!"  
  
  
  
There was insanity building in her. Karen didn't want to break down in front Wataru, but the expression that he wore gave her little reason not to.  
  
  
  
Wataru stared at his once younger sister with disbelieve, contempt, and even to a degree hatred. He felt betrayed, beyond that cheated. He didn't know what to say. The girl in front of her had cheated him into caring for her... I struck him too that how much pain Karen was in right now, but he shoved that idea aside. Wataru stood up and left walking to his room and slammed the door shut.   
  
  
  
Afterwards, Karen broke down. She couldn't hold it in much longer and with hesitation she gave up holding on, she gave up hoping, she gave up trying to win his heart, she accepted defeat. Her tears showed her loss, her biding pain showed her sorrow... Karen felt a strange aura move up and down her arteries. Every stab to her heart took upon a chain of ripples that stunned her body. Her tears poured, but she made little sound.   
  
  
  
After hours of staring at his ceiling for hours... the silence bothered him. Wataru decided to check on Karen. He thought it was only fair to let her give him a explanation. And in fact, He sort of felt sorry for leaving the girl in misery. Even though she had betrayed his trust, she was still someone close, even not his sister, its still someone he knew for quiet a while. Sister or no sister she was still someone he cared about. Wataru had a hard time denying his feelings for her to begin with but convincing himself that it was wrong to court his sister made her seem even closer at times. Wataru thought back to his time on the Island with her. The nostalgic moment had been very enjoyable, but still the silence scared him.   
  
  
  
Wataru walked outside of his room and then he saw her. Karen slept in front of his door. Her hand clenched to her chest, her knees brought up to her she cuddled to herself seemingly in the brisk spring evening. Her tears still draped her face... still wet.   
  
  
  
Wataru felt a new sensation; a stab of guilt. He really know out to make of what saw, first thought it was cute, then he saw the agony she was in and thought it was pitiful, then it hit him that he was probably responsible for this, and the guilt came.   
  
  
  
He knelt down next to her... and moved her stray hair aside.  
  
  
  
"Karen..." He whispered. Her eyes flickered for a moment... she was awake. Her eyes half opened she saw Wataru with a concerned look on his face.  
  
  
  
There was sharp stab of pain. She quickly sat up and moved to the wall inching away from him. There wasn't just fear in her eyes, there was regret and apology.  
  
  
  
Wataru looked at Karen with a sense of guilt. Her tears now renewed. Her hands trembled, she seemed like a frightened child.  
  
  
  
"Karen..."  
  
  
  
She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.  
  
  
  
"Karen, its okay, I'd like a explanation though..."  
  
  
  
Still nothing, in fact it seemed as though Karen cried harder.  
  
  
  
"Take you time, there is no hurry," Wataru gave a concerned but understanding look.  
  
  
  
Karen wanted to talk, but she was too afraid she might ruin things even more. She didn't want Wataru to be any more pain as the image of betrayal was engraved in her memory. The painful look of hatred in her love's eyes. She didn't ever want to see it again.  
  
  
  
"Karen, why did you pretend to be my sister?"  
  
  
  
She choked.  
  
  
  
"I... I..." Her heart screamed with pain... "I... I... cared about you the first time I saw you."  
  
  
  
"And that made it okay to pretend to be my sister?" Wataru began to question the other girls as well, but decided to face his present problem first.   
  
  
  
Karen frantically shook her head. She didn't have the strength to speak much more. There were sharp stabs to her heart. She felt ashamed to face her love. She inched closer and Wataru didn't move. She finally came to rest her forehead on his shoulder. Her crying wasn't silent anymore, it broke into a sob. Every whimper that Karen let out was a binding agony to Wataru. He didn't want to his 'sister' cry like this. He felt horrible for not being a little more understand. But in many ways it struck him as though he was not able to forgive Karen for what she had done. Wataru strongly doubted that their relationship would ever be the same again. He very much doubted his ability to ever see her as a trustworthy person again.   
  
  
  
Karen wanted so badly to reach her hand and embrace her brother. She wanted so back for his hand to touch hers, to reassure her and forgive her. But it never came. Karen felt so lonely crying there on her 'brother's shoulder. It felt hopeless. Karen tried to tell herself that there was still hope, but every passing second only led her to believe more and more that she would never receive her 'brother's love again.   
  
  
  
Wataru couldn't take anymore, it was too depressing and painful to sit there and let Karen cry on his shoulder. He took Karen and helped her up. She reluctantly reclined on her bed and then Wataru left her. He thought it was better if Karen got some time to think things over, before she would talk to him again. He too needed to think things over...   
  
  
  
  
  
The night air seemed to breeze by... the window had a small crack left open. Karen shivered in the coolness. She sluggishly moved to and rolled herself in the sheets moving to the side. She couldn't sleep even though her eyes tired and her legs sore. Her heart ached too much, there was too much pain. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to look forward to the next day. Had she fallen asleep, she doubt she had a reason to wake up. The image of Wataru's comforting and concerned smiled stained her mind. The image pierced her heart. She brought her tender fingers up to wipe her tears only to find that there was none. She didn't cry. She couldn't feel her tears... she couldn't feel her body. It seemed like a distant isolation... lost in her own mind chasing after the image of Wataru. Oh how she longed for the blissful expression.   
  
  
  
Karen curled her knees up to her face. She wanted to squeeze herself into a little ball... she didn't want to the pain, she wanted escape the pain, she wished she hadn't come back to see Wataru... she wished she had never lied to him... she wished she didn't exist, at least Wataru wouldn't feel bad, and she wouldn't feel guilty.   
  
  
  
Karen closed her sore eyes... I don't want to live, I don't want you pain! Karen screamed internally. Why? WHY! Why am I tormented... I love him! I can't help that! I don't want to love him anymore, I'll only bring him more pain! Karen questioned herself! I don't want this pain... stop... stop... She voice seemed to drown in a sea of woe. There, in front of her a bright light... behind her a void of darkness. Karen turned and faced the darkness... I'm going... I'm not coming back... I don't want to feel this way again... I don't want to live... 


End file.
